The Homestretch

I just changed what I hope will be my last bag ever.  This is thrilling to me not just because the past 20 months have been hell and I loathe *almost* everything to do with this bag but because I am completely out of the bag "system" that I prefer...in that it is the only system I've found that does not result in me getting covered in shit at the most inconvenient of times (and yes, there are times that it is *more*convenient and *less* convenient to get covered in shit, I hope you never have to test this theory yourself-- just trust me on this one!) Unfortunately, it is 11:09 pm and since I am wearing a bag that I am less than confident in, I am pretty sure that even with my sleeping pill, I am not going to get much sleep tonight.  That has been the story of my life most of the past 20 months. But, hopefully by this time Thursday night, I will not have to worry about bags leaking anymore.  Now, that isn't to say I may not wind up covered in shit as my Colorectal Surgeon made sure to point out that "you will soil yourself" when she described what I could expect in adjusting to going to the bathroom the "old fashioned way" after relaying on the bag for so long.  I'm sure it won't be awesome, but I'm ready to figure it out-- I will go buy myself some depends and suck it up.

So, I am going to try to write some more tomorrow or at least upload some of the journaling I have done to use as posts over the past month or so and then I think I will post a link to Facebook after I have my surgery and know for sure that this is a done deal-- but I know that some people will actually see this post before that happens so if you've got some extra prayers or "reverse the ileostomy" vibes you can spare, I would really appreciate it.  Between my fears of this bag leaking and the surgery not actually happening, my anxiety is pretty sky high right now.  Fingers crossed!!