It Happened, It Really Happened!!!!

I am writing this post from my hospital bed.....without a bag attached to me!  Wait a minute, let me double check......yes, no bag down there.  I'm on a nice little dose of dilaudid so I wanted to be sure.   It really hasn't hit me yet....just like how the *real* reality of what having the bag attached didn't really hit me until I went home and had to live with it.....so, we'll have to see how I feel when I'm actually sitting on a toilet other than to pee again.  I have been reminded that I will absolutely poop myself so....the nurses are surely going to love me and I suppose the area I am currently using to store bags will now be used for Depends but....I'm cool with that. Physically I feel good and it seems I may get to go home as early as Saturday.  We'll see.  I have a 3x4(?) bandage and drain where the stoma used to be.  It doesn't hurt really, but my abdominal muscles feel like I did 1,000 crunches yesterday- which I may have done cumulatively during the course of my 41 years.   For anyone who actually reads this,you'll  see the last several posts are written in weird order.  I held on to some to post after the surgery was done, which I explain in one of the posts.  You may want to start at the Never Forget the Promises You Made post and read up.

I will post some updates to help people know what to expect after a colostomy (I could really only find horror stories about constantly carping oneself, but I think there are probably people out there who do pretty well and just don't frequent message boards to talk about it).

As for now, I am super excited about my post colostomy life.  I know that it won't fix all of my issues (I'm still a terrible Parker and I can't sing for shit) but it is going to decrease my anxiety, increase my confidence and I hope I will look at thie inevitable scar and use those memories to really change my perspective on where I've been and where I'm going.  First order of business is to thank my husband, Wes, who put up with me even when my self esteem was in the toilet, my anxiety through the roof and my self pity was so thick you could choke on it.  To someone who hasn't been through this, maybe it seems dramatic (and maybe it is anyway.....but this thing really did screw up our life for almost two years).  I love you to the moon and back and look so forward to what is to come for us.  I also want to thank our families, especially our moms....they put up with me too and helped in so many other ways, and my friends.  I have a handful of friends who have known about the colostomy and have never been anything but compassionate and helpful.....which sometimes meant knowing when I really just needed a hug in the middle of a public bathroom when I would never have asked for one on my own.  Much love to all of you!