Now that I'm (hopefully) in the homestretch, I've been thinking of all things I can't wait to do once this hell is over. Some things I haven't been able to do due to the "condition" of my colon, some because of chemo, and some simply because I feel like crap. Hopefully these factors will all be history soon. So, here is the list:
10. Get organized. I am so exhausted and between work, doctor appointments and two kids I simply haven't had the time or energy to keep up with organizing the kids clothes or food, etc. Wes does a ton to help out but being organized is not one of his strengths and I feel like we are constantly wasting time looking for stuff. I can't wait until I can stay up past 8 pm and put some systems in place.
9. Exercise. Same reasons as above, zero energy and zero time. I've lost about 70 pounds since April but I think much of it was muscle. Also, after I'm done with chemo I won't be spending 10 days of each month too sick to eat so I need to start exercising so I don't gain it all back. I have no intentions of doing anything rigorous, I've run my marathons and biked my centuries, I'll be happy to just get 30 minutes walking on the treadmill and some weights each morning.
8. Eat mango. I tried that a couple of months ago and I seriously thought I was going to need to go to the ER. There are other fruits I miss too but mango is the big one.
7. Eat salad. Supposedly I can do this now, but I'm afraid (see above). I have had lettuce and tomato in small doses but I worry a whole salad would um, cause problems. And I've made it this far so...better safe than sorry.
6. Eat cashews and popcorn. These are a total no-no. It's one of those things that I really didn't think I'd care about but when you smell that popcorn, you want to get a handful, and I can't. So, yeah, I will be indulging in some of that in 2013.
5. Drink alcohol. I've had a drink here and there but it just doesn't really appeal to me. I want to go have 3-4 glasses of wine with some friends or a few beers with my husband. I guess number 5 should really say "get a little drunk"...it's been a rough year, I deserve it.
4. Go clothes shopping. I've lost all this weight but there is a part of me that is scared I will gain some back so I haven't bought much in the way of new clothes. Most of my pants are way too big and I walk around holding and pulling them up. I just want to prove to myself that I can maintain this weight for a few weeks after chemo before I start spending money on a whole new wardrobe.
3. Get to know Brooks. And have him get to know me. My mom, Rozanne, and Wes take care of him so much more than I do....sometimes I don't feel like his mom. Most of it has to do with my energy level but I think there is some sub-conscious stuff there too. Sometimes I'm still afraid I might die and I think I've kept myself at a distance from bonding too much so he wouldn't know the difference if suddenly I wasn't here. I'm not sure people not in my shoes will get that, but...whatever.
2. Doing a better job at work. My job is pretty stressful as it is but trying to do it in about 65-70 hours a pay period is super stressful. My staff have taken several things off my plate, which stresses me out more but I still don't get it all done and I have lots of guilt. Part of the reason I am blogging at 5:30 am is because I can't sleep because I'm stressed about work. So I'm looking forward to being full time again and getting rid of my chemo brain so I can be a good employee.
1. Getting s pedicure! It's been 5 months...'nuff said.
Four weeks and two days left!
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