Repeat until I believe it. I have run two marathons but this chemo is killing me...hopefully not literally. I have been stuck in bed and sick as a dog all weekend. I think I'm a victim of the perfect storm trifecta, a bad reaction to my flu shot Tuesday plus a bad reaction to chemo on Wednesday and a cold from hell. The good news is that I'm not going to feel fat when I turn 40 this week.
Ugh, I hate to have this blog be filled with me bitching. I really wanted it to serve as inspiration for others and not to scare you but this is getting hard. I hate that i know other people who have handled this treatment much more gracefully than me. I'm actually considering going back on disability at least part time. I think working full time is just too much for me right now. I wanted to be a rockstar but I just don't have it in me. Maybe I'll feel differently when I finally feel better and can eat something but the past month hasn't given me much of a break so I'm not too sure. I know I will feel better when I'm done but that seems like such a long haul with how I feel right now. It really does remind me of the Marine Corps marathon when you reach the 14th street bridge (and realize how steep it is) and you want to quit...but you know Crystal City is right around the corner and it is FLAT! I just need to keep running....or at least walking.
In an effort to not be a total Debbie Downer, I'm going to be 40 on Tuesday. There was a period in June when I wasn't sure I would see 40, so that's a good thing. Other than having cancer, I feel pretty good about where my life is at 40, and since this cancer thing is a totally temporary pain in the ass, I'd say that's pretty good.
No comments:
Post a Comment