Had I written this directly after chemo yesterday it would have focused solely on how blessed I was feeling. I opted to walk up the four stories to the lab instead of taking the elevator, and other than being a little winded, the fact that I could do it considering where I was 4 weeks ago feels like a miracle in itself. When I arrived in the lab I was immediately struck by how packed it was. There are about 7-8 bays with 4 chairs each in them and it looked like all of them were full. They got me in a little after my appointment time and while I waited it occurred to me (through extremely brief glances upward as in chemo labs, as it is on the metro-- the unwritten rule is don't make eye contact) how sick so many of the people there looked. Yes, most of them were significantly older than me, but they still have people who need them and things they want to do with their lives. Fucking cancer. While I was there they actually had to call an ambulance for someone, it was scary and sobering. The past several days, I have felt pretty good. I'm back at work and while I am worn out by 8 pm, I think it is really good for me. Wes, Garrison and I actually had a dance party Tuesday night, something I haven't participated in in months. I am starting to be able to picture my life post cancer and it is so exciting.
But by 6 pm last night, I was feeling the effects of the chemo. I had terrible eye twitches and blurriness that lasted until I went to sleep, but seem to be gone now. It was really annoying. I also had a hard time with my hands, numbness maybe? I had to write a check for Garrison's tuition and it was hard to do...my handwriting looked totally different. But they seem to be fine now, too. The mouth/jaw pain that I experienced last time and kept me from eating for two days is back, but I've found that if I power through the first two bites, I can finish the meal with tolerable pain, but the first two bites are excruciating. And then it happens again for the next meal. Also, the neuropathy is worse than last time. I took a casserole out of the fridge and barely got it to the counter it hurt my fingers so much. Rozanne brought me some gloves to keep hooked on the fridge for future endeavors. I was at the Nordstroms restroom yesterday and after washing my hands I went to use the Dyson hand dryer and it was painfully cold, so I had to use paper towels, sorry global warming...But the worst part (so far) of the neuropathy is helping G wash her hands. She doesn't want to use hot water and I can't use cold (we're like Jack Sprat and his wife, I guess). Luckily, she is awesome and when I told her I couldn't help her, she did it all by herself, hopefully it isn't a fluke! This morning I've got a headache and my face is flushed but otherwise, feel ok. I'm at work and hope the steroids won't wear off until tonight. I got a cute Vera Bradley bag to put my pump in and it is much more comfortable than the one they give me in the lab. So, all in all, doing ok.
10 more to go.
Have they prescribed you anything for the mouth pain? They gave me something called Magic Mouthwash. There are different combinations of drugs to make it, but generally it contains some sort of numbing medication which helped a little. I was told to be careful eating rougher foods (like toast), because it could cause small cuts in the mouth which wouldn't heal normally and cause pain. Sounds like your neuropathy is very bad. Mine is much better now after the acupuncture, I highly recommend it. My acupuncturist says in China they always combine acupuncture with chemotherapy. In general it is supposed to improve the immune system as well.
ReplyDeleteI did acupuncture during my ivf's for Garrison and loved it, maybe I'll give it a shot. Thanks!!
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